All jokes
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A man walks up to the counter at the airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent. "I want a round trip ticket," says the man. "Where to?" asks the agent. "Right back to here."
How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is done by the automatic pilot.
Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck. Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.
Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival. Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...
Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not? Pilot: Yes. Tower: Yes what?? Pilot: Yes, SIR!
LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.
Pilot: Tower, there's a runway light burning. Tower: I'm sure there must be dozens of lights burning. Pilot: Sorry, I mean it's smoking.
Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're number one, check for workers on the taxiway. Pilot: Roger ..... We've checked, they're all working.
Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass. Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..
Tower: Cannot read you, say again! Pilot: Again!