Today jokes
-
My friend is so stupid he thinks that an autograph is a chart showing sales figures for cars.
An idiotic laborer was told by an equally idiotic foreman to dig a hole in the road. "And what shall I do with the earth, sir?" asked the laborer. "Don't be daft, man," he replied. "Just dig another hole and bury it."
A stupid man was struggling out of his house with a big table. His neighbor said to him, "Hello, Harry. Where are you going with that then?" And Harry replied, "I'm taking it to the store to have it measured for a new tablecloth."
An Irishman saw a notice outside a police station which read: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY. So he went in and applied for the job!
Did you hear about the idiot who invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle?
What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer.
Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in the whole school. Mother: That's my son. Teacher: Oh! I'm so sorry. Mother: You're sorry?
How do you confuse an idiot? Give him two spades and ask him to take his pick.
A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, "Don't dive ? there's no water in that pool!" "That's all right," said the man. "I can't swim!"
Did you hear about the stupid water-polo player? His horse drowned . . .