Today jokes
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Knock Knock Who's there ! Cynthia ! Cynthia who ? Cynthia you been away I missed you !
Knock Knock Who's there ! Cy ! Cy who ? Cy'n on the botton line !
Knock Knock Who's there ! Cyprus ! Cyprus who ? Cyprus the bell !
Knock Knock Who's there ! Cyril ! Cyril who ? Cyril thing - no imitations here !
Knock Knock Who's there ! Czech ! Czech who ? Czech before you open the door !
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um...no." "-or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "-or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "-so if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Why don't lawyers play hide-and-seek? Nobody will look for them.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You should take your workboots off before you jump on a trampoline.
What is the proper weight for a lawyer? About 3 pounds, .......not counting the urn!