Today jokes
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Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone !
Do you love me? Of course Then whisper something soft and sweet in my ear Lemon meringue pie !
I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you. I love you too, but what was that you said about Martin !
This morning I felt that today was going to be my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket, there were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the seven o'clock race - so I backed the seventh. Did it win? No, it came seventh.
What's the difference between a sigh, a car and a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you, dear.
Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ate nine.
Q: What's black, white and read all over? A: A newspaper.
What runs all day but never gets tired? Water.
Q. What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden have in common? A. They both look out their caves and see rubble.
Q: How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder.