Today jokes
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Martin asked David, "In which state does the Ohio River run?" David answered with cool, "In the liquid state."
A man walks into a palm reader store and asks the reader, "Could you read my palm?" He shows his hand to her, and she says, "But...I can't read your hand." "Why?" the man asks. "I don't understand your handwriting," the woman replies.
A man had a nose ring fitted into his nose, a friend asked, "how much did you pay for that?" "I paid through the nose!" he replied
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?
Q: Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go to? A: Heck
Q. What do you call a ginger bread man wit one leg? A. Limp biskit
Do you know the difference between genius and stupid? "Genius has its limits."
What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care!