Today jokes
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How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer's.
If you laid all the lawyers in the world head to foot around the Equator, then... Hey, come to think of it, that's not a bad idea.
In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a couple of years ago I met an old carpenter that said lawyers were always his favorite clients! When I asked him why he got so much pleasure out of having lawyers as clients he replied, "I only build coffins now."
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working? Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, "lawyer" is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is "dog." The second is "snake." And under snake, the encyclopedia says "See Lawyer."