Today jokes
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What do astronauts put on their toast? Space Jam.
What do astronauts wear to bed? Space Jammies!
What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t.
What do you call a sick extraterrestrial? An ailin' alien.
Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball. Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball. Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the first alien said to the second, "Uh-oh cover your ears he's going to be really mad now"!
A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club? "Were the crowd not behind you" asked the reporter "They were right behind me all right", said the manager, "But I managed to shake them off at the station!"
Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat? To see if there was any more money in the kitty!
Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs!
Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why's that? Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!
Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games? So that they can pack the defence!