Today jokes
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Q: How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb? A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs, it's cheaper to sit in the dark
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.
Q: How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one, but he'll tell everybody.
What is the most common educational degree in New Mexico? Kindergarten dropout.
Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? A: So the cops can find the handles.
"Helga, tell me something. Why do Swedish men always have stupid grins on their faces?" "Because they're stupid," said her friend.
Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? A: Turn off the carousel.
What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
Three guys are debating about which of their languages is the most pleasing to the ear. The Spaniard says, "Consider the word for 'butterfly'. In Spanish, it is pronounced 'Mariposa', a beautiful sounding word." The French man says, "True, but Papillion, the French word for butterfly, is even more beautiful." "What's wrong with Schmetterlink," asks the German?