Today jokes
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Where did the burgers go after their wedding? On a bun-eymoon!
Q: How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding? A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.
Q: How is a marriage like a hot bath? A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.
BARTENDER: I think you've had enough, sir. DRUNK: I just lost my wife, buddy! BARTENDER: Well, it must be hard losing a wife.... DRUNK: It was almost impossible!
Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.marr
Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married? A: Newlywebs.
John: "I'm a man of few words." Bill: "I'm married, too."
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"