Today jokes
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Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
Q:Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A:('He wanted cold hard cash!')
Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death? He had a crush on her.
How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster? On a piece rate.
Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monster, with a rope round his neck. Frankenstein said, "Monster, monster, what are you doing here?" The monster said, "Well, boss, they hanged me this morning so now I've come to meet my maker."
What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road? He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and dismantled for six months.
What does Frankenstein's monster call a screwdriver? Daddy.
What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's.
Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It's a new pill consisting of 50 per cent glue and 50 per cent aspirin. Igor: But what's it for? Dr Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.