Today jokes
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What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey? "Pleased to eat you!"
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target.
How do you stop a monster from smelling? Cut off his nose.
Where do you find monster snails? On the end of monsters fingers.
Where do space monsters live? In far distant terror-tory.
What's the difference between a monster and a mouse? A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What's big and ugly and drinks out of the wrong side of the glass? A monster trying to get rid of hiccups.
Why did the monster dye her hair yellow? To see if blondes have more fun.
'Here's a good book,' said the sales assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster. 'How To Help Your Husband Get Ahead.' 'No, thank you,' said Mrs Monster. 'My husband's got two heads already. . .'