Today jokes
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A very tall monster with several arms and legs, all of different lengths, went into a tailor's shop. 'I'd like to see a suit that will fit me,' he told the tailor. 'So would I, sir,' said the tailor. 'So would I.'
If storks bring human babies, what bring monster babies? Cranes.
What do sea monsters have for dinner? Fish and ships.
An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop. 'Quick!' shouted the tailor to his assistant. 'Hide the "Free Alterations" sign!'
What's big and hairy and goes 'beep beep'? A monster in a traffic jam.
What is a monster's favourite society? The Consumers' Association.
How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? When it comes out in conversation.
FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand. SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't! FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it.
What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl? A budgerigrrrrr!
FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes. BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she's posted it.