Today jokes
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Dad: Why is your January report card so bad ? Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas !
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. 'Teddy,' he called, 'how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being.' There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. 'That's better,' said his father. 'Now will you always come down stairs like that?' 'Suits me,' said Teddy. 'I slid down the bannister.'
Come here, you greedy wretch. I'll teach you to eat all your sister's birthday chocs. It's all right Dad, I know how !
Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My sister's fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads. Dad: No, I'm not coming out. She's going to have to learn to look after herself.
Father: I want to take my girl our of this terrible math class. Teacher: But she's top of the class. Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class.
What do you call a small parent? A minimum !
Girl: Mom, mom a monster's just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I've just washed the floor.
Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m.. Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.
Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
Father: " I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television." Son: " I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question."