Today jokes
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Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia ? Pupil: Fred did !
Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language ? Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters
Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can !
Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant ? Pupil: Hong Kong Teacher: Why do you say that ? Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most dense !
Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare ? Pupil: No Teacher: What have you read then ? Pupil: Umm, I've got red hair !
Teacher: In music, if "f" means "forte", what does "ff" mean ? Pupil: Eighty
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ? Pupil: Me !
Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection ? Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!
Teacher: Name two pronouns ? Pupil: Who ?, me ?
Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved. Pupil: Thank you Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though !