Today jokes
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What's Dracula's car called? A mobile blood unit.
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.
How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.
MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.
Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one th ing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. I'd better get an inside cabin."
Someone -- always a man -- always asks, "does the ship run on generators?" The Cruise Director usually tells them, "No, we just have a very long power line running to the mainland."
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.