New jokes
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What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ? Bike carbonate of soda !
What did the bicycle call its dad? Pop-cycle
Q: Why do bikes have kick-stands? A: Because they're two-tired.
While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy, a well known botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world." The second guy, an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations." The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc. The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk an d walked out the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?" The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You guess, buddy! You guess!"
How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes eight million years.
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
A young wildlife biologist got fired from his first real wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked him what happened. "You know what a crew boss is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches everyone else work." "What's that got to do with it?" they asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," the young biologist explained. "Everyone thought I was the crew boss."
A pair of biologists are studying terns on a rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of the island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot farm. This happens several times and the local law enforcement refuses to investigate. On their last day on the island they happen into a huge pile of harvested grass that has been set out to dry. Quickly they decide to set it on fire to pay the thugs back for shooting at them. The fire takes off and sends plumes of smoke into the sky. As they are running for their boat, they notice that the soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling out of control and crashing into the trees. The next day they read the headlines in the local paper: Pot Farm Burns - No Tern Left Unstoned.
A wildlife biologist crew leader has several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews camped and worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair every few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them a visit. "Is anything funny going on here"? he asked. "What do you mean by that?" the pair asked back. "I mean, you're not getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you know, maybe doing something you're not supposed to do?" "Absolutely not!" the Jim replied. " We are strictly co-workers" "Oh yes," the Sarah replied, " We hike all day, record our data, return back, and fall asleep exhausted. "That's right!" Jim replied, "and me in my tent, and she in hers!" The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th e field with the pair. He left the field early, returned to camp, retrieved his Jeep and left the area. The following day, the biologist pair had lost their $1000 GPS unit. They searched high and low, but could not find it. It had simply disappeared from their camp. After a few frantic days, they suspected that the crew leader had taken it. It was the only plausible explanation. That evening, they called him on the 2-way radio, and politely asked weather he may have inadvertently taken the unit. "As a matter of fact, I did take it the day I came up to see if you two were sleeping together. After realizing I had accidentally taken it with me from the field, I placed it in Sarah's sleeping bag where she would be sure to find it!"