Computer jokes
-
Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?
Customer: "I'm running Windows '95." Tech: "Yes." Customer: "My computer isn't working now." Tech: "Yes, you said that."
- Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer? - Well, dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...
..... Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ONE choice of software?!?
I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0!
Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98? A: 3 years
Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb? A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry standard.
What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night? No wonder you called the company Microsoft
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do? "I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way." "No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time a t all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way." "Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."