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The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.

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What a pity, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it.

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You should always believe what you read in the newspapers, for that makes them more interesting.

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I feel sure that no girl would go to the altar if she knew all.

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Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it.

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I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

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I feel like a million tonight --- but one at a time.

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This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

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The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant --- and let the air out of their tires.

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My favorite animal is steak.

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