---

To be conservative at 20 is heartless and to be a liberal at 60 is plain idiocy.

---

Thought: why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage.

---

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

---

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DOE

Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the woods on a summer afternoon. A fawn dances on and nibbles slowly at some leaves. He drifts lazily through the soft foliage. Soon he starts coughing and drops dead.

---

Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.

---

Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?

---

Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.

---

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.

---

Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life.

---

The universe is made of stories, not atoms.

---