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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

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Men, like nails, lose their usefulness when they lose direction and begin to bend.

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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a- bitch.

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Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

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Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.

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Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

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Too often we...enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.

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A thought is often original, though you have uttered it a hundred times.

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The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not.

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There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

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