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What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.

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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

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I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.

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A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.

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If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

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Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it. Plan more than you can do, then do it.

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Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.

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The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.

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I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

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If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches.

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