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Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.

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Have you ever dated someone because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

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Never date a woman you can hear ticking.

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I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

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Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

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SURE-FIRE SINGLES AD:
Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. Will obtain plastic surgery if necessary.

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Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself.

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The charity that hastens to proclaim its good deeds, ceases to be charity, and is only pride and ostentation.

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Warning signs that lover is bored:
1. Passionless kisses
2. Frequent sighing
3. Moved, left no forwarding address.

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I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that, they just about throw up.

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