All jokes
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Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear. 'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, ' it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.' 'OK, said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch ?'
Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and fat and ugly? Boyfriend: Of course I do !
Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty ? Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'd probably say 'oink, oink '!
Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't pretty and wasn't ugly ? She was pretty ugly
She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time.
Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it's not on her head.
Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at first sight,' said Julie. 'It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.
Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It did for a while - then it fell off.
Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The bride of Dracula' last night.' 'Oh yeah,' said the other, ' what was she like ?' 'Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs.' The other said, 'Yes, but what was 'The Bride of Dracula' like ?'
I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't match.