All jokes
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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
How did the woman feel when she got run over by a car? Tired.
Why is it not safe to doze on trains? Because they run over sleepers.
What's the difference between a schoolteacher and a train driver? A schoolteacher says, "Spit out that toffee" and a train says, "Choo, choo."
Which snakes are found on cars? Windscreen vipers.
Motorist: When I bought this car you told me it was rust-free, but underneath it's covered with rust Dealer: Yes, sir. The car is rust-free. We didn't charge you for it, did we?
Motorist: Does a deer have a horn? Police Officer: No, a deer has two horns. Motorist: Then it must have been a car that ran over my uncle.
Police Officer: Why are you driving in a bathing suit? Motorist: I'm in a car pool.
Police Officer: Why were you speeding? Women Driver: I was late for traffic school.
Policeman: Are you going to a fire? Motorist: No, I'm trying to prevent one. That's what my boss said would happen if I were late again.