All jokes
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A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, ' Mum ! your husband's just come home.'
John kept pestering his parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn't afford one. So one day John came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video. 'Where in the World did you get the money to pay for that ?' asked his father suspiciously. 'It's OK, Dad,' replied John, 'I've traded the TV in for it.'
'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk's Home. Shall I give him Grandma ?'
Two girls were talking in the corridor. 'That boy over there is getting on my nerves,' said Clarrie. 'But he's not even looking at you,' replied Clara. 'That's what's getting on my nerves,' retorted Clarrie.
A little girl was next in line. 'My name's Curtain,' she said. 'I hope your first name is not Agnate ?' 'No, it's velvet !'
On the first day at school the girls were sizing each other up and boasting, trying to make good impressions on each other. 'I come from a one-parent family,' said one little girl proudly. 'That's nothing. Both my parents remarried after they got divorced. I come from a four parent family !'
Mother: I told you not eat cake before supper. Daughter: But, Mum, it's part of my homework. 'If you take an eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.
Mary arrived home from school covered in spots. 'Whatever's the matter ?' asked her mother. 'I don't know,' replied Mary, 'but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.'
Mother: What do you mean, the school must be haunted ? Daughter: Well, the principal kept going on about the school spirit.
Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper. Jackie: Wow, I'm only eight and I can read it