Dirty jokes
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Two postmen are on break having a cigarette. While on this break one postman says "Hey look at that snail". The other postman looks down and says "FUCK" and step steps on the snail. Postman 1 looks at him and says "Why'd you do that". Postman2 replys "Because that fucker has been following me all day."
A 90 year man finally gets to see a Dr. and the dr. asks him what the problem is, the man says he wants the Dr. to lower his sex drive. The Dr. is taken aback a bit but finally asks the man, just how old are you? The man answers I am 90. The Dr., still a little confused says you are 90, and you want your sex drive lowered? Yes said the man, it's all in my head and I want you to lower it.
A bus stops and this old lady gets off and complains to the driver: I was sexually harassed, and the driver thinks nothing of it; the bus comes to another stop and another old lady gets off and complains to the driver: I was sexually harassed and the driver thinks nothing of it, then the bus comes to another stop and this old man gets off and says to the driver "I lost my taupe and thought I found it twice then realized mine is parted down the side, and the two I saw were parted down the middle!"
A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough." She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough." She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough." She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"
They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa. It's called Genitalia.
A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits."
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted. To which his wife said to her lover 'See, I told you he was stupid'
An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman. The old woman's distraught and yells, "WHAT'S THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT I HAVEN'T!" The old man smiles and says, "Parkinson's disease"
Retired gentlemen went to apply for social security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrives at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he has left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home, "will I have to go home and come back now?" he ask. The woman says, "unbutton your shirt." he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" as she processes his social security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about this experience at social security office. She says, "you should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."
In a nursing home, there is this old woman named Gladys who likes to walk around and flash people. She walks up to a nun, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The nun says, "Gladys, you know you're not supposed to do that. Now go back to your room. Gladys starts walking back and sees the minister. She walks up to him, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The minister is shocked and tells her to go back to her room. As she continues, she sees an old man lying on the bed. She walks in, flashes him, and yells "Super Pussy!" The man slowly turns his head and says, "Thanks, I think I'll have the soup."