Dirty jokes
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How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job.
Whats the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
Whats the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years, the job still sucks.
Whats the definition of love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighbourhood. So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening. "A police car has just called at the Hamiltons' house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex." Hearing this, the boy's parents shot bolt upright. "How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?" "Because their kid is standing on the balcony too."
A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf of Vaseline. A woman answered the door."Do you use Vaseline?" asked the researcher. "Certainly," she said. "It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns." "And what about anything else?" he asked. "Like what?" He became embarrassed. "Well, sex, maybe." Oh, of course." she said. "I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out."
A truck driver was going down a steep incline when, at the foot of the hill, he was able to make out a couple having sex in the middle of the road. Five times on his descent he sounded his horn, but they didn't move. He finally brought the truck' to a halt inches from them. The truck driver got out and stormed: "What the hell's the matter with you two?.Didn't you hear me? You could have been killed!" The man replied nonchalantly: "Listen, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
A woman went to the doctor and complained that she was suffering from I knee pains. "Do you indulge in any activity that puts a lot of pressure on your knees?" asked the doctor. "Every night, my husband and I have sex on the floor doggy style." "I see," said the doctor. "You know, there are plenty of other sexual positions?" "Not if you want to watch TV there ain't!"