Music jokes
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Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? A: The baritone.
Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds.
Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid? A: When the other tenors notice.
Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage? A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.
Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons? A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment, dear.
When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical orchestra how well he knew the music by singing all parts of the Lucia sextet during rehearsal. Afterwards, one musician was overheard whispering to the other, impressed, "Well, this kid really knows his stuff!" The other replied, "I don't think he is so hot. Did you notice how flat his high E was at the end?"
Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet? A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!
Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks? A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!
Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants? A: They've had little use.