Music jokes
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Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins? A: A pair of Re-bachs.
Q: What do you call a male quartet? A: Three men and a tenor.
Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov, "Where are we?" Rachmaninov said, "Carnegie Hall, sir!"
A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."
Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager.
Q: What's the range of an accordion? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!
Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.
Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.
Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument? A: Hide it in an accordion case.
Q: What's an accordion good for? A: Learning how to fold a map.