New jokes
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Mum: How can you practice your trumpet and listen to the radio at the same time ? Son: Easy. I have two ears!
'William, I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door,' said mum. 'yes, but they're twins, so I wanted some way to tell the apart.'
Eddie's father called up to him, 'Eddie, if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!' Eddy replied, 'I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.'
George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, 'can Albert come out to play?' 'No, said the mother, 'it's too cold.' 'Well, then,' said George, ' can his football come out to play ?'
'Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen, 'you know that dish you were always worried that I would break ?' 'Yes dear, what about it ?' 'Well your worries are over.'
A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, ' Mum ! your husband's just come home.'
John kept pestering his parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn't afford one. So one day John came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video. 'Where in the World did you get the money to pay for that ?' asked his father suspiciously. 'It's OK, Dad,' replied John, 'I've traded the TV in for it.'
'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk's Home. Shall I give him Grandma ?'
Two girls were talking in the corridor. 'That boy over there is getting on my nerves,' said Clarrie. 'But he's not even looking at you,' replied Clara. 'That's what's getting on my nerves,' retorted Clarrie.
A little girl was next in line. 'My name's Curtain,' she said. 'I hope your first name is not Agnate ?' 'No, it's velvet !'