New jokes
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On the first day at school the girls were sizing each other up and boasting, trying to make good impressions on each other. 'I come from a one-parent family,' said one little girl proudly. 'That's nothing. Both my parents remarried after they got divorced. I come from a four parent family !'
Mother: I told you not eat cake before supper. Daughter: But, Mum, it's part of my homework. 'If you take an eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.
Mary arrived home from school covered in spots. 'Whatever's the matter ?' asked her mother. 'I don't know,' replied Mary, 'but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.'
Mother: What do you mean, the school must be haunted ? Daughter: Well, the principal kept going on about the school spirit.
Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper. Jackie: Wow, I'm only eight and I can read it
Trevor: That's a cool pair of stockings you have on Jill. One red and one green. Jill: Yes, and I have another pair just like it at home.
Mandy was applying for a summer job. 'How old are you?' asked the owner of the store. 'I'm twelve years old, Sir,' answered Mandy. 'And what do you expect to be when you grow up ?' 'Twenty one, Sir.'
The second grader was in bed with a cold and high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to know. 'One hundred and three,' said the doctor. 'What is the world record?'
Jennifer: Are you coming to my party ? Sandra: No, I ain't. Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not ain't. It's I am not coming, he is not coming, she is not coming, they are not coming. Sandra: Blimey, ain't nobody coming ?
Grandma: You've left all your crusts, Mary. When I was your age I ate every one. Mary: Do you still like crusts, Grandma? Grandma: Yes, I do. Mary: Well, you can have mine.