New jokes
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Mother: Let me see your report son. Son: Here it is, Mother, but don't show it to Dad. He's been helping me !
Mum: From now on your going to have free school dinners. Son:But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is more than enough !
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ? Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !
Son to his father as they watch television: "Dad, tell me again how when you were a kid you had to walk all the way across the room to change the channel."
A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard. "I always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home. "I like to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us." "Oh, I wasn't talking about THAT God," the five year old interrupted. "I was talking about the COAST God."
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. "What's the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: "that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home...I just want her to stay with you guys."
Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."
A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I can't. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas ? Platform shoes !
What happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy !