New jokes
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A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!
Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to go out there and clear the snow! I'm on my way, Father Christmas. Father Christmas: But you only have one welly on! That's all right! There's only one foot of snow!
I've had a slight accident with your sleigh, Father Christmas! Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in mint condition! That's all right....now it's a mint with a hole!
What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards ? Best vicious of the season
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas ? A merry Christmas to ewe
Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange! Have you tried playing squash?
Who made this Christmas pudding? Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool. What did he use to make it? Elf-raising flour, of course.
Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean. That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!
What can Santa give away and still keep? A cold.
ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do? SANTA: Use a pen.