New jokes
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Your ugly. And you're drunk. Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober !
My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !
Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing ?
Monster: I'm so ugly. Ghost: It's not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed out.
Doctor, doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping. Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed. Oh, I'm all right at night, it's in the day I have problems.
Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed. What shall I do? Hide the tiddley winks.
Witch: Doctor, doctor, I don't feel well. Doctor: Don't worry, you'll just have to go to bed for a spell.
The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.
A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. "What's wrong?" asked his mother. "Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed. "In a way they do," said his mother. "And when they die so they turn back to dust?" "Yes, they do." The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going."
Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. "I've just bought a pig," said the first. "But where will you keep it?" said the second. "Your yard's much too small for a pig!" "I'm going to keep it under my bed," replied his friend. "But what about the smell?" "He'll soon get used to that."