New jokes
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"Now my motto in life," said the school chaplain, "is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?" "My motto is let bygones be bygones." "That's good. Why did you choose that?" "Then I wouldn't have to take any history classes!"
College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them and sometimes with good reason. "What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one student indignantly. "What's it taste like?" asked the cook." "Glue!" "Then it's apple pie the plum pie tastes like soap."
A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says: That's great honey! What kind of degree? And the son, almost squealing with excitement says: The best one ever, a Celsius degree!
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
Cow: Why don't you shoo those flies? Bull: I'll let them go barefoot!
Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture? No! Did he hurt the cows? No, he just grazed them!
Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!
Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual? No, only medium rare!
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed!
How did that bullfight come out? Oh, it was a toss-up!