New jokes
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Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk. Whose baby was it? The elephant's!
How do you get a paper baby? Marry an old bag.
What did Baby Corn say to Mother Corn? Where's Pop Corn?
Why is a baby like an diamond? Because it's a dear little thing.
When a baby is learning to eat, shouldn't he have an L-plate?
Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop.
Mum, is it true my baby sister came from Heaven? Yes, that's right. Well, I don't blame God for chucking her out.
Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" "That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!
What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet? Egyptian dummies.
Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Daughter: You told me to change the baby.