New jokes
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If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills?
Why does an inspiring sight like a sunrise always have to take place at such an inconvenient time?
Why, if the best things in life are free, the next-best things are so expensive?
If FedEx and Ups merged, would they call it Fed UP?
Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?" The first guy says, "No, I don't want to have to explain it two times."
If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell me about your work."