New jokes
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Why do elephants live in the jungle? Because it's out of the high rent district.
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
Why do elephants jump across rivers? So they won't step on the fish.
Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "if I ever stop hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating her first."
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?
Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up. Harry: Do you think so? Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!
Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager! Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you're wearing it out.
Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.
Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle? Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.