New jokes
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A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, "Don't dive ? there's no water in that pool!" "That's all right," said the man. "I can't swim!"
Did you hear about the stupid water-polo player? His horse drowned . . .
Fred: Did you hear about the Irish window cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder? Harry: What did the sign say? Fred: Stop.
Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?
Housekeeper: Professor, there's a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wouldn't believe me. Professor: No? Then I suppose I'll have to go and tell him myself.
"Say, your house is burning." "That's okay. I got enough lumber in the attic to build a new one."
Loomis: Does your dog have a license? Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the drivin'.
Did you hear about the dumb father who got up and struck a match to see if he had blown out the candle?
Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places? Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!
Did you hear about the dimwit who was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for crocodiles?