New jokes
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A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head. "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I've no idea what it is." The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom. "I'm stumped," said the doctor, "but you can try taking these pills." When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head. "Ah!" said the doctor, "I know what it is. You've got a beauty spot."
I've just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!
Where is everyone beautiful? In the dark.
Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what a shame! And you've been engaged for such a long time!
People keep telling me I'm beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have.
Don't look out of the window, Betty, people will think it's Halloween.
What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.
Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two.
What is yellow and goes click-click? A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older? Wizard: With luck, yes. Witch:
A little boy came running into the kitchen. 'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face' 'Tell him you've already got one,' said his father !