New jokes
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What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic? He charges you double.
"The trouble is," said the entertainer to the psychiatrist, "that I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't tell jokes, I can't act, I can't play an instrument or juggle or do magic tricks or do anything!" "Then why don't you give up show business?" "I can't - I'm a star!"
Fred: "Why are you so upset?" Harry: "My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning." Fred: "So what?" Harry: "So she said to him, 'Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I've been telling you about'."
Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate? Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities.
Did you hear about the auto mechanic who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying under the couch?
A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leadind a kangaroo."I'm worried about my husband, doctor, " she said. "He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo! "
Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I'm going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear. Amazing ! so you have. How could that have happened ? I can't understand it either, because I planted cabbage !
What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!
Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel? Because they are both surrounded by nuts.
SIX PHASES OF THE MONTH IN NAVY RECRUITING 1. ENTHUSIASM 2. DISILUSIONMENT 3. PANIC 4. SEARCH FOR THE GUILTY 5. PUNISHMENT OF THE INNOCENT 6. PRAISE AND HONORS FOR THE NON-PARTICIPANTS