New jokes
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How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.
Lawyer: "Let me give you my honest opinion." Client: "No, no. I'm paying for professional advice."
Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?" Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I'm beginning to think I didn't."
What do lawyers do after they die? They lie still.
Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf? Because it's too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.
A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted. "Darling, it was just a shark," said his wife when he came to. "You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere."
Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart? Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!
What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits.
Where is the best place to hide a lawyer? In a brief case.
A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...