New jokes
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One behaviorist to another after lovemaking: "Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?"
How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital? The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!
Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow. Don't let people push you around.
Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me. What do you mean by that?
Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say. Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?
Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly! Lay on the couch, face down.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon. Sit there and don't stir.
Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive. Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm
Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights. And how long have you had this complaint? Who wants to know?
Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank! And how long have you had this complaint? What complaint?