New jokes
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How do you stop a monster digging up your garden? Take his spade away.
What do you do with a green monster? Put it in the sun until it ripens!
What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime? Don't talk with someone in your mouth.
What did Frankenstein's monster say when he was struck by lightning? Thanks, I needed that.
What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater? You miss most of the film.
First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out. Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!
What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton wool in his ears? Anything you like ? he can't hear you.
The monster spent a fortune on deodorants before he found out that people didn't like him anyway.
How do man-eating monsters count to a thousand? On their warts.
Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs at him? Of course - he'd be eggs-terminated.