New jokes
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Q: How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Why are you asking me that question? Can't you see I'm busy!
Q: How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
Q: How many UPM's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None! If you'd just make it a day exterior we wouldn't be screwing around with all these damn light bulbs!"
Q: How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
Q: How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: November.
Q: What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas? A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.
Q: How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie? A: She's the one sleeping with the writer.
Q: How many screenwriters to make "Titanic" a good movie? A: One more than they had.
After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?" "Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground." The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief... "My agent came to my house?"
After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?" "Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground." The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief... "My agent came to my house?"