New jokes
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Girl: Mom, mom a monster's just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I've just washed the floor.
Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m.. Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.
Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
Father: " I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television." Son: " I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question."
A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to look for things they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked: "It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have 'parental vision:"
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it "Ham Hocks".
Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business? He couldn't get it off the ground. .
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother's day? What did they do? They threw a sowprize party.
Did you hear about the pig's vacation? They had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. They dressed up as bears and raided all the garbage cans.
Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth.