New jokes
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What do sea monsters have for dinner? Fish and ships.
An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop. 'Quick!' shouted the tailor to his assistant. 'Hide the "Free Alterations" sign!'
What's big and hairy and goes 'beep beep'? A monster in a traffic jam.
What is a monster's favourite society? The Consumers' Association.
How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? When it comes out in conversation.
FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand. SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't! FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it.
What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl? A budgerigrrrrr!
FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes. BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she's posted it.
FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.
Why is the monsters' football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it.