New jokes
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Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. "I've just bought a pig," said the first. "But where will you keep it?" said the second. "Your yard's much too small for a pig!" "I'm going to keep it under my bed," replied his friend. "But what about the smell?" "He'll soon get used to that."
When Mr Maxwell's wife left him, he couldn't sleep. Why was that? She had taken the bed.
Why did the composer spend all his time in bed? He wrote sheet music.
I don't think my Mom knows much about children. Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!
I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed. Did you have a big role? No, just toast and marmalade.
Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake? She spent the night popping out of bed.
What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on? Cot-on-wool.
You can't have any more chocolates tonight. It's not good for you to go to bed on a full stomach. Oh, Mum. I promise I'll lay on my side.
I'd like to buy a bed, please. Certainly, madam. Spring mattress? Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.
Three boys were sharing the same bed on holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided to sleep on the floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he might as well get in to bed again. There's lots of room now,' he said.