New jokes
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Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories? A: Violists.
Q: What is the difference between a dog and a viola? A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Q: Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording? A: Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.
Q: What is the definition of a major seventh? A: A violist playing octaves.
Q: How is lightning like a violist's fingers? A: Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
Q: Which positions does a violist use? A: First, third, and emergency.
Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long? A: So the violists don't need to be retrained.
Q: When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building, which one hits the pavement first? A: Who cares!
Q: How do you get a viola section to play spiccato? A: Write a whole note with "solo" above it.
A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. "Help!" cried the cellist, "I can't swim!" "Don't worry," said the violist, "just fake it."