Today jokes
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Why do wallets make so much noise? Because money talks.
How can you be sure you have counterfeit money? If it's a three-dollar bill, you can be sure.
If you take half from a half dollar, what do you have? A dollar.
What lands as often on its tail as it does its head? A penny.
Which is better, an old ten dollar bill or a new one? An old ten dollar bill is better than a new one.
How did rich people get their money? They were calm and collected.
If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.
Who makes a million dollars a day? Someone who works in a mint.
Why was the skunk arrested for counterfeiting? Because he gave out bad scents (cents).
If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.